Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
