If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
