Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
