Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
