How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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