Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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