he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have feelings that need drinking.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
