Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
