I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
