pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
