I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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