I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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