My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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