Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
