well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's just like the Real World with babies
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
