There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
