yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
