i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
