I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
