We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
