You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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