one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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