so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
