bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
