you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
