just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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