I'm jealous of your bromance
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
