I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
