i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
