I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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