last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
