I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
