yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
