The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
