he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
love makes seman taste better
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
