The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
