Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
