I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
