I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
