shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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