I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
