Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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