Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Let's get the cat blown out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
