Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
