just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
