you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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