Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
