bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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