So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
