Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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